October 15th

I'm sure some of you know, others may not, but today is the National day of Rememberance for Pregnancy and Infant Loss. A blogger friend of mine, Angie at Bring the Rain posted a great post today...please go read it! The quote she posted is great, but as well as, if you have the time, read the comments...She asked for anyone that has experienced pregnancy loss or infant loss to comment for prayer and to pray for each other. So far, there are 1,300 comments...which just that alone brings tears to my eyes...but here is why...

(sorry if you read this twice, cuz i wrote some of this in my comment on her page) Its so sad to see that soo many people have experienced this pain, and loss in their life, but just the shear number is amazing in that we are not alone! We are not alone, because we have Christ in our life, as our foundation, but to have this large number of women who have experienced loss in this way, who understand the hurt, and pain, and emptiness, leaves me speachless. SO MANY people don't know how to respond to this kind of loss, so it leaves me feeling alone, and others i know of as well. No one hardly talks about it, as humans, we don't like to deal with sadness, its uncomfortable!...think about it, what would you do if you said to someone oh how many kids do you have and they said none, but i've lost 2 babies, now granted there are other ways of saying that, and i'm talking complete stranger...at the grocery store, or the mall. Just the other day and i've gotten it alot over the years, maybe its because I buy so much kid stuff for everyone but I dont know, but just the other day i bought a pair of baby jeans at a garage sale for someone, and the lady said oh how old is your baby, i just said they were for a friend...but the point is, pregnancy loss is not something you just blurt out to anyone, like you would when say you have 2 living children...anyways, moving on, thats another long topic, for another day :) the whole point is that because its so almost "hush hush" not talking about it, not discussing it, etc...it makes you feel like wow, something is wrong with me, i am all alone, and can spiral into depression very easily, but to see this large number, and those are just the ones so far, and only of the women that read her blog, its encouraging to know that a lot of women all over this world know what i am feeling, even if family or friends don't, other women do!! Now to just talk about it...

This year, Tom and I will be adding beautiful pearl ornaments to our tree in remembrance of our babies. they are both the letter "B" (for baby)and are just perfect. Also you already know about my necklace that I wear in remembrance of them as well...let alone all the times I think of them...with the first one, i think about how we would be starting preschool lessons with them soon, and planning the second baby, and preparing a nursery, and i really think about them, specifically the first one since more time has passed, but this month not only am i still recovering the loss of the second baby, i'm dealing with the remembrance of the loss of the first one 3 1/2 years ago almost exactly...and the hardest, is when its around the time they would have been born, or when we celebrate my great neice's birthday, who was born a day after I was due w/the first one or so...but the point is, this is a life long thing, when someone sees me, and it appears to them that its just Tom and I, in my mind, its not just Tom and I, I have a family, they just aren't here on Earth with me, thats all. 

Please be praying for all of these women who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss. I have really been praying about something I think God is laying on my heart to do for all of us in this catagory to share our stories, so if you could pray that God will give me discernment with that as well, that would be much appreciated.  Thanks so much for reading all this, and please hug your kiddos a little tighter tonight...

Oh buddy! lol

Well, I have been tagged by Britt to come up with 7 random/weird things about myself....so this should be interesting lol...so here we go!!

1. The first scrapbook page I ever made was to enter a contest, and I won first place...and I'm about to enter my second ever scrapbook page, in the same contest again lol :)

2. I have had 3 last names in my life, 2 of which are the same! lol my biological dad and my adopted dad have the same last name, but are NOT related! weird huh? lol oh and the 3rd is my married name.

3. I have a small freckle between 2 of my small toes on my left foot(i think..lol )( so this isnt that interesting, but I have to fill this up w/SOMETHING) lol 

4. I don't have my gallbladder or my tonsils

5. I secretly would love to be one of those women who have like 16 kids or something...SERIOUSLY!(ok, so maybe its not so secret, but whatever, lol )

6. Oh this is kinda dumb but whatever...lol...I sometimes will say I hate something like spinach, just cuz I think it looks, smells, and sounds grose, when in reality, I've never tasted it..lol...its like a reaction...someone will say oh do you like "this" and i will say "oh i hate that" and then I will backtrack and say well actually, i mean i have never had it...lol weird huh? idk i think its that i hate the IDEA of whatever it is...lol who knows..

7. I have what I think is a weird obsession with music...i call it a love for music, but many would probably call it a weird obsession...lol...I would be happy if I could just listen to music all day everyday, oh and i can't randomly recite the lyrics, but the min. a song starts, i can almost always tell you what it is, and sing it almost word for word...lol

Ok, thats all! whew...i made it! now i have to tag some more people.

Laci 

Tara

Anna

Jessica

Dana

What a FUN Saturday!!!

Yesterday, Tom and I went to Wisconsin, he went to help on a work site with his uncle, cousin and brother, and I went and spent the day with his grandma and aunt making cards! I had so much fun, this is the first time in our marriage I have been able to spend time w/them by myself, not at a family function I mean. I am posting pictures of the cards I made while there from some GREAT ideas from Aunt Mary! Anyways here are the cards  I made!

This first one says " Age is only a number, Mine is unlisted" and "Happy Birthday" on the inside.

All shiny and CLEAN! lol

Ok, so I have been cleaning and organizing my dining room on Friday and then today...It had basically become the storage room for...well anything :) lol...the table was shoved in the corner that rug was rolled up since we took it out of our living room, the table was piled full of stuff and there was stuff shoved under the table, and stuff shoved in every corner as storage lol, but now, look now we actually have a table to eat at lol :) I love it, it looks so nice right now...OH and i got some paint on the mistint clearance at walmart the other day, and hope to paint my bathroom soon, i hope it will look GREAT! :) I will, of course, post pictures, when I do lol...I STILL need to post pictures of all the cool stuff we did when my mom was here...my house is really looking like a home! I love it so much! anyways, here are some pictures of my hard work. I have pictures to put on the wall, and we got frames for them last night, but they are odd sizes so I have to special order some mats for them, but THEN we will have pictures on the wall lol :)

1 month, and a fabulous gift!

Well today it has been exactly 1 month since this last miscarriage...and this past week I was given a BEAUTIFUL gift that is a great memorial and memory of our babies...When I met my grandma in Iowa, she gave me a package and I opened it and found this

Mine doesn't have all those birthstones on the side of it, it has 2 birthstones, 1 for September, 1 for October, for the months our babies went to Heaven. It has a saying on the back that says "it was then that I carried you" It is beautiful and perfect, and I love it, and just wanted to share it with all of you( sorry i couldn't get an actual picture of mine, i had to find one online)

Love/Hate Relationship with going to church

Please just hear me out before you scroll to the bottom to the comment box...lol...I love going to church....I love the praise and worship, the message, all of it, but on the other hand, the same things make me annoyed...with myself basically...see the problem is we went to church this morning, and ever since my life changed 3 years ago after the first miscarriage, when I go to church, it takes everything I have to not completely lose it! Crying, bawling, weeping, call it what you will, but its what i fight, and don't do that great of a job...I always think i'm doing just fine, until I go to church, and this was this way even before I was pregnant this last time, so you can only imagine what it is like now! Anyways, so I think it is a combination of everyone around me having kids, or maybe the couple sitting right behind us with a brand new baby, or the woman 3 rows in front of us with an even newer baby, or the use of the word "family" repeatedly, the praise and worship, the message, or maybe the pastor even mentioning in his list of things that might be going on in your life, he says something related to not being able to get pregnant, but it all somehow leads back to the same subject in my life...and makes me start crying, and I try REALLY hard to not let it be more than tears in my eyes, but then they say its time to pray and, well then the tears that were being held back by my open eyes, are now streaming down my face...See the thing is, when i am at home, during the week, even if i'm singing praise songs while cleaning, or praying or whatever, i am occupied and try to stay busy, and just be strong, and honestly believe I am fine, but then when I go to church, I feel it all so much more, and realize maybe when I said i didn't have an ounce of anger in me, maybe I was wrong, maybe just a couple ounces :) lol...but nothing fixes it, nothing makes a child appear in my life that is my own, but isn't it funny how we always want what we don't have...Someone will say something about how their baby cries all the time and UGH i just can't ever get anything done around here, and have no me time...and I want to say, I would give anything to have a baby that cries all the time and to have no me time...I've had enough me time to last me awhile...but then that person is sitting on the other side thinking what i wouldn't give to be able to just go to a movie w/my husband, or to be able to clean my house with no distractions, to not have to wake up in the middle of the night, etc...perfect example right now...it is 4:45pm on Sunday...the tv is on, but on mute, i have no clue why, tom is on the couch on his computer, and i am in the chair on my computer, its completely quiet in here, except the tapping on my keyboard and listening to my dog sighing because he wants out of his cage(after being bad)...i'm sure that sounds fabulous to a lot of you, Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, and my home and my life more than words can express, and am very thankful for Tom and I's relationship...and the continued foundation we are building for our family that we will have one day...weather that be through adoption, or naturally...its just like the pastor said at church today, and I know there is a great song about it too, but is that God is going to finish what he started in me, and that God never said this road would be easy, but I know I am not walking alone. Some days are just harder than others, and those days I know God is holding me even closer and reassuring me of His plan for my life. 

Fun giveaway!

I found this on my blogging friend Tara's blog and had to pass it along to you all, it is pretty cool, let me know if you win...if you sign up of course :)