Long Update

Well, it seems like I haven't blogged for quite awhile, been trying to get back to normal around here. So I will just recap the last while lol...this last weekend, we went to Iowa to visit my family and Tom helped my dad remove the radiators from their house since they are getting a new furnace and stuff, so we got there late Friday night, and my dad and brother were already hard at work on removing the boiler and Tom jumped right in to help them finish up, and they were all FILTHY, i mean serioiusly! Mom and Katy know what I am talking about, we should have totally taken a picture! lol anyways...Saturday Tom and dad got hard to work and I went to hang out with my bestest friend, Britt, and had the FANTASTIC surprise to see an extra vehicle in her driveway! :) her family was in town and Britt, her mom and I got to sit and chat for a few hours, and I wish we wouldn't have had things to do, because we had a great time! Then Saturday night, we had a blast! My mom, dad, grandma Riley, tom and I all went to Pella and picked up my grandma Joyce for the weekend. It was a surprise to her that Tom and I were there, she didn't know we were coming since we had just decided on Thursday night we were coming for the weekend, so that was fun! Then we had supper at Happy Joes and drove back to Osky and we all went and saw the movie Fireproof. WOW! FANTASTIC movie! PLEASE go see it!!!! I could go on and on about that movie, but I will move along...lol...Sunday we went to church, the church I grew up in, and have not been back to for quite awhile, and it was nice to see friends! Then went home where we all got together again and had a very yummy lunch my grandma Riley had made for all of us! :) That afternoon we had the great pleasure of getting to see Kelly and Britt again, this time Tom was able to come! :) spent some time with them and then took the long drive home, so that was last weekend...

Last Tuesday we got a puppy, only to realize this week, that I am allergic to her! so I am driving halfway to Iowa tomorrow to meet my grandma, and Zoey will be living with my grandma and her little Izzy, I am sure they will be best of friends! 

Well, I think thats the most of it, oh other than a funny story from Tuesday night...Tom said I should blog about it, and title it something like, "As two ships passing in the night" lol...you will understand why, very soon...lol :) Tom got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, well him getting out of bed woke me up and I decided I needed to go to the bathroom as well, but layed there for a few minutes debating if I needed to go THAT BAD that i wanted to "wake up" and walk down the hallway and freeze to death, cuz i dont know about you, but its been pretty chilly here lately, despite my warm pjs, i just can't wear socks to bed, drives me crazy, anyways after a couple minutes I decided ok fine! so i climb out of bed, and walk out the bedroom door, with my eyes closed of course, because I don't want ANY glimmer of light to actually "wake" me up...and my hand on the wall, so I don't fall into the stair railing or something...I get halfway down the hall, and BOOM! OUCH! Tom and I collided, and of course because I am short, my head hit his shoulder or so, and it hurt! lol...I said didn't you hear me?! he said no, i can't hear anything, my ears are bugging me LOL...come to find out, we were both walking down the hallway, with our eyes closed...see? it makes sense to someone else...don't tell me you have never done that lol :) 

Anyways, I promise I will try to blog more often...if you all haven't given up on me yet lol...Like i have said before though, I really don't think you want to read my daily blog if all I write about is cleaning and organizing my house and doing laundry! I have had a lot of stuff weighing heavy on my heart that I want to blog about my thoughts and opinions, but at the same time, I think it will only create drama, not deter from it, and I hate drama...and its the LAST thing I need right now...so we'll see... :)

Thank you, I love my great friends!

How cute is this award? And its my first award...two friends gave it to me at the same time, first being my bestest friend Britt and another great, long time friend Anna. Along with this award comes a questionaire so here we go!  :)

1. Do you have the same friends since childhood? I have a few of the same friends since childhood, a couple actually since preschool and kindergarten! But my friends from when I was in jr. high and high school (even though I was homeschooled) I am still friends with most of them, and at least keep in contact with the rest of them :)

2. What do you value most about your friends? Honesty, sense of humor, geniune love and caring, I tend to be drawn to simple, "what you see is what you get" kinda friends, DRAMA FREE! lol :) You know what i'm talking about! 

3. Are your friends your sounding boards? Oh yeah! Especially my husband who is my absolute best friend, but secondly my bestest friend who I love that we can be completely honest with eachother, having a girlfriend like that is PRICELESS! :)

4. What is your favorite activity to share with your friends? I love to just hang out with my friends, watch movies, just talk, drive around just us girls and be goofy, but most of all, I LOVE to just talk to my friends, just being in contact w/them, even if its only through email or IM...i'm weird, i know :)

Thanks ladies! this was fun! now for the hard part, because all my closest friends have already been tagged with this award, but I have to pass it on to 4 friends...so I am going to award this to my blogging friends:

1. Melissa at Stretch Marks

2. Tara at Living A Dream

3. Jessica at Furse World

4. Brooke at My Broken Road

make sure you stop by their blogs and check them out, great ladies!!

Favorite music

This first song I had heard last Monday morning and just started bawling, cuz I love it, and that night, pulling up to the ER, this song came on the radio and I couldn't help but of course...start crying again :) lol

This second song, I LOVE...and just realized tonight that the guy that sings it from was American Idol, no wonder I recognized him..lol

Jaded Mission

When I started this blog, and was trying to think of a title, I couldn't come up with anything catchy, and besides..most blogs are cute stories, pictures and videos of people's kids...which I didn't fall in the category of...so I finally found "Jaded Mission" and just thought it sounded cool...I confess, I had to ask what "jaded" even meant, lol...but thats not the point... :) so anyways...I was asking my best friend what she thought about it...and she said something to the effect of, thats cool, kinda like your journey to have a family feels like a jaded mission...probably not the exact words, but thats the way I remember it lol...and I thought wow, she's right...this title does fit! I wish so badly I didn't have to say this...but wow...who would have known, it REALLY fits now...even more!

I could go into a long, exhausting post on how I'm sick of this,how disappointed I am that after 3 years of not getting pregnant, and finally deciding to switch my focus to working on me, and just not think about it, then surprisingly getting pregnant out of the blue, just to have this happen AGAIN the day before I was 12 weeks...oh and I've read everything that says once you hear the heartbeat the chance of miscarriage goes down tremendously...well the first time around, i heard a great heartbeat at 7 weeks, second time around heard another great heartbeat, and saw the baby move FIVE DAYS before the baby died...anyways, i'm getting off track...but the point is, no it doesn't seem fair, but life isn't fair, and its not a "why me" thought at all, cuz I wouldn't wish this on my WORST ENEMY!!! Anyways, I won't go into that long post, because first of all, I want to keep or gain blog readers, not lose them lol, and no one wants to listen to me vent, and honestly...this next paragraph is how I really truly feel....

I feel loved, and cherished, and valued by God, my family, my wonderful husband...first of all...last Monday, I was on a high from rejoicing in how great God is, with my blogger friend Melissa, that set the tone for my attitude the rest of the day, but I saw God through the whole ordeal that afternoon/evening...firstly we saw our baby, I won't go into details here, cuz this IS public, but its amazing to see God's creation of such a little life, as surreal as that was...but then secondly, we had fantastic care at the emergancy room...down to a nurse leaving for the day that stopped to help us...who was a nurse from the maternity ward, no coincidence in my mind...anyways...then my parents drove up here Tuesday morning...my dad drove here, just to drop my mom off for the week, and drove back home, then came back that weekend to pick her up...It was such a blessing for her to be here last week...plus she cleaned my house and did some decorating :) anyways, and then Tom...wow...first of all, he is going through the pain of all this as well, but he has been the best husband, I couldn't ask for anyone better...I could write an entire post that would be VERY VERY LONG and detailed on how amazing he is, how he loves me, and how I see God working through him, and so much more...but anyways...

I am so thankful that God has matured me through the last 3 1/2 years because I wasted too much of my life being so angry at God, at Tom, and at myself...all of which I am embarrassed to even admit but I know that anger is part of the grieving process, but I took it to a whole new level, but this time, I am disappointed, and sad, and all that comes with a loss, and a little cynicism, but not an ounce of anger...so believe it or not, but my perspective on this miscarriage is completely different than the first one...

Anyways, i could go on and on, i have a lot to say about a lot of things, but I will stop here for now...thanks for reading! 

well i don't know what to title this, but i just wanted to let you all know that yesterday afternoon i miscarried. It doesn't look like I am going to need a D&C or anything, hopefully that is the case. I will tell the story at a later date. I apologize to my close friends and family that are finding out this way, I am just not really up to making phone calls right now...I will write more at a later date...Tom has today off, my parents are on their way here, and my mom is staying for the week...please keep our family in your prayers....

weekend update

Well, things are going great...we had our garage sale this past weekend,that went pretty good, only ended up bringing one laundry basket of stuff back in the house, the rest sold or we gave it away..lol, so hey, I'm happy! lol...so this week hopefully I will get some time to do some fun stuff like making the other valance for my living room curtains, we have only had one up for idk, A LONG LONG TIME! lol...oh and this past weekend too, we went to Menards, we still needed a door for our bathroom, just hadn't bought it yet, and a solid oak door at menards is around $130 or so, but we decided to check the bargin door section to see if there was anything there, cuz there hasn't been in the past, but we found a door, the exact right size, solid oak, and its perfectly fine, just didn't have a price on it, we found a store guy, and he priced it for $25!!! so we got a $130 door for $25! i was pretty excited! anyways, thats pretty much the excitement from our weekend...lol...everything with the pregnancy is going great, still feeling pretty good most of the time...I will be 12 weeks tomorrow...thanks for all the thoughts and prayers!

Busy Baby

Today I had an ultrasound and doctor appointment, everything went great...I am only 11 weeks 1 day along, not 16 like we thought, but thats ok...the baby looks great, his heart rate is 169 which is really good. On the print out pictures we got, can't see much, but on the screen during the scan we could see quite a bit...he is about 2 inches long, and we could see his head, body, and an arm...we saw him move his hand from his side up to his face and was moving around...the technician had to try 4 times to get his heart rate because he was a "busy baby" she said, he was moving around a lot...oh and by the way, I figure most of you know this, but just in case, I am not saying him and his because its a boy, we of course have no idea at this point, just using that as a general term :)....anyways, just wanted to share about today...oh and the doctor is really nice, i think last time she was really stressed and I was really nervous, cuz today was a lot better...oh and my new due date is March 24th, 2009...which is also my mom's birthday :) so we will see...lol :)